Jul 14 2010
An indoor family
The news from Buenos Aires is not auspicious. Acceptance of marriage as a rightful option for gay couples still seems remote. There is a clash of powers, and the church has deployed all of its soldiers (including makeshift ones) to go fight one more battle before they win a partial war, a war of ignorance, a war of non-commitment. Let them out into the public square, have them express themselves and their self-righteousness.
A law for gay marriage may not be passed, and curious euphemisms will be invented to substitute the rightful status: civil union, domestic partnership, or the French PACS, which at least contemplated common taxes — a perk not to be neglected when looking at the hefty tax income percentage the common mortal is required to give the government in that society.
I can consider myself lucky. Because of my relentless pursuit of a nationality I was entitled to, I can marry the person I love, if she and I so desire. I can be a married gay person in Europe and legally enjoy the same benefits as heterosexuals. However, am I really an equal? There lies the question. Many years ago, while visiting a friend of mine in Denmark, she casually commented on a friend of hers who was married to a person of her own sex. The takeaway of that conversation was that, although gay marriage has been a perfectly viable option in Denmark since the late nineties, she still did not feel she could publicly announce her status without being looked at differently. And that was a shame, I thought, not yet knowing I would once find myself living as a gay person.
So today I know that money will be eventually the decisive element in shaping legal openness to gay families. It will take a long time, but at some point there will be no choice but to see the alternative family model coexisting with you, no matter how many people you can gather around a metropolitan landmark on a given day to go say that gay marriage is unconstitutional, perverse, and against nature.
In a silent, almost imperceptible way, this is happening here in the US, slowly, like the advent of the Spanish language which now has almost equal presence to native English. Slowly, economic power in the hands of the gay community will not leave room for anything but a legal status. Today, the country that hosts me does not accept marriage on a federal level, but gay people still have kids that do not know what a traditional household of mom and dad looks like. Still, US federal law does not grant reality a legal framework. There are kids in many states that are the product of artificial insemination regardless of whether that state has a law that will give their gay moms or dads the option of a legal contract. All of this reality is happening closer to me than I would have imagined. And that is right, that is the truth, regardless of the law.
I agree. The law would be the icing on the cake, le coup final that would make everything right and would allow us to put our heads on the pillow and sleep in certainty. Marriage is like a green card as opposed to a temporary visa. But we are far from that greencard on a global level, so we still go for the temporary visa. Eventually, the greencard will come and nationality will be an option. Today, we can only lobby for it, and hope that eyes will be opened soon to the new reality, once the economics of being gay tears down the barriers of the higher powers with less economic leverage.
It is still early for that. Patience will be necessary until the moment comes. And it will.
W: las noticias son HISTORICAS….el Estado ha decidido reconocernos iguales a nosotros y a nuestras familias, no es poca cosa, no lo es.
Ahora es momento de festejar, el final de una lucha que merecieron ver ganada otros, es momento de celebrar la vida con amigos. La abrazo desde aca….
Saludos
PD: ahh…y lo he dicho y recitado mucho a benedetti, que le da razones a UD ” lento, pero viene!”…no lo dude.
Hay ley desde hoy a las 4.02 AM. A muchos nos parece increíble. Iba a decir un increíble milagro, pero después de las payasadas que hizo y dijo la iglesia católica, me parece que lo mejor es omitir toda connotación.
Hoy soy feliz, hoy siento un peso menos sobre la espalda. Pero sé que sólo se ha dado el primer paso. De todas formas, la legitimidad que da la legislación va a ser de una ayuda invaluable.
Hay un largo camino por recorrer. Pero estamos YA en igualdad de derechos. Y eso es maravilloso.
Mi abrazo esperanzado y sonriente desde aquí, este sofá en Buenos Aires
Dear Miss F,
Thanks for the news, the hope and the confirmation that sometimes Hollywood endings are possible. Perhaps this moment links to winter in Buenos Aires, and the inevitable vision of spring, not with the eyes but with the heart. The heart won today, and I cannot but be immensely happy.
I toast to you, my dear, and to the work behind the vision, to the passion and the fight. After all, that is all we have, and you are right in saying that this is a first step…but now we are finally walking.
Thank you for being there, and I am sending you another hug, like a happy dog with two tails (if I am allowed to make a literal translation). Enjoy, celebrate and experience.
Warmest regards,
W.
Emi dearest,
What can I say that you don’t know already? A friend of mine from the remote land of Malaysia broke the news to me this morning by email (and told me he will now be looking for an Argentinian boyfriend
. I still have difficulty in believing that our legislators for once stood up to the challenge, no matter how much political speculation went into this. But doesn’t political speculation always happen? Why not use it in favor of a just cause for once?
I know that patience is the name of the game, and that the only thing that keeps us going for that almost impossible goal is the passion and the certainty of what we want. We do not need anything else, just the will to fight and the conviction that we will finally see the day when the dream comes true. You have just seen that day, and I am glad for you and for all of us. I am glad to know that I can choose and be empowered by law as much as by the love that drives me. We are all very lucky people today, and we should know and cherish that.
I am sending you a huge, deep hug from here, and do save us a dinner in a few months, because we’ll open a wonderful champagne and toast to life as it should be, as it now is.
W.