May 13 2009
Dusting off words…
Yes, I have been lazy in my blogging. Yes, I have sinned. Should I therefore be damned and stoned to death like a cheap Biblical character, or would my readership — if there is still one — be understanding enough to forgive me? I cannot blame them, abandonment is a serious issue…and I know about that.
I have been unfaithful to you, blog reader, having inadvertently channeled my thoughts and inspiration through the conservative land of emails to a loved one.
Yes, she is loved. I am in love, strange as it seems for me, who never saw any of the matters of the heart without a touch of pragmatism, because it is safer, because nothing escapes the mind. And now she feels real, and she does not. Our communication depends on logistics that exceed us, on papers that might or might not be granted, on labs that might give disturbing news. There is so much around us that could change us, so much. And yet, there is this feeling that dominates, a blind tyrannic ruler standing above everything, making us selves and making us whole. Only that feeling makes it worthwhile…the sound of her voice at the other end of the line, crisp after her morning run, or slow and husky at the end of a long workday, the words she writes so timidly and so openly, the fears that neither voices because we just know.
Yes, that is it. Sometimes there is no need to explain love. You just know.
